L. Ron Hubbard

My sweet drawing of L Ron Hubbard beating up Satan

These are my most favorit sayings by L Ron Hubard: "Sometimes when a girl says 'no', I like to pull her hair and poke her eyes until she lets me in. What's her problem anyway?" - L. Ron Hubbard on woman "I mean, they lost both parents. That's just careless." - L. Ron Hubbard on orphans "Just because I've had a few drinks doesn't mean it's my fault. I mean, what's the big deal? Are women even shittier drivers when there are kids in the car or something?" - L. Ron Hubbard on driving "I think childbirth has been way too romanticized. You'll fart, poop, pee, and scream, all in front of ten complete strangers, all of whom are staring intently at your vagina, which, by the way, has an 80 per cent chance of tearing." - L. Ron Hubbard on childbirth "I knew I'd made it big when he was shaking just being in my presence." - L. Ron Hubbard on Michael J. Fox "Its sad, because he still owes me $20." - L. Ron Hubbard on Heath Ledger's death "Yeah, my friends told me it was a great movie and they weren't lying. I laughed the whole way through." - L. Ron Hubbard on Schindler's List "It wasn't me I swear." - L. Ron Hubbard on Dateline "If she's old enough to walk, she's old enough for cock." - L. Ron Hubbard on infants "Every single person wants to do it, don't hate me because I had the guts to follow my heart!" - L. Ron Hubbard on incest You act like it's a crime or something. I did that bitch a favor, really. - L. Ron Hubbard on rape More famous L. Ron Hubbard quotes: "A donut without a hole is not a donut. It's just a donut type desert without a hole in it." "An Asian prostitute charging more than $50 for sex better have a big rack and usually they don't because they are Asian." "Sometimes sleeping with underage children is ok when it's used to take away the stress of the fact that you're sailing on a boat filled with cancer causing blue asbestos." "Anonymous is the reason we can't have nice things." "Snorting vistaril is fun but it feels better in your butt. Though, that goes without saying." "To make a hot young boy appear younger than he is, shave off all his body hair."

These are funny things that happen to me in Scientology: This really short guy David Miscavig that runs are cult, punches people in the face all the time. He will walk up to peple and juss punch em' real hard. He will be like, hey budy look over there, then BLAM! suckerpunch! I'm lucky I am a girl cause he only punchd me too times. This one time these stupid peple with masks were around are bilding with sines and stuff. So, we started throwing water baloons at them. Haha, it was so awesome. Not too many funny things happen to me down in the basement, but when they let me out I know how to hav a good time.

Here's a leter I got from L. Ron Hubbard the other day. Enjoy! My loyal supporters I woul like you all to know that Iam alive and well and currently in deep negotiations with Xenu. The food here is good and the company only spoiled by the irritating guards who keep pointing guns at me; don't they know I am L Ron Hubbard. Anyway It has come to his attention that Teegeeack is once again becoming overly populated and if he gets free he will once again do his utmost to repeat his planet population control techniques except this time he plans to implant all the Thetans with movies about the joys of having a single child family and how nice it is to not be overcrowded when at the beach (if he'd only done this the first time we wouldn't be faced with a repeat performance). Recently there was a problem with the eternal battery and some of the guards discussed the possibility of just shooting Xenu as this might be a less severe punishment then an eternity locked in a cell watching Oprah reruns (a new and terribly punishment applied to those who have nasty methods of population control). Thankfully we found a replacement and it was covered by the eternal batteries 77 million year guarantee (which I think is a little short for something that is supposed to last for an eternity). News from the rest of the galaxy is limited here to information about crimes and punishment. Recently Oolon Galfrimicky the third was sentenced to life imprisonment for making up stupid science fiction words and I think he is getting what was coming to him I mean Tasmir (come on). Anyway Ive got to get back to my game of inter-galactic shuffle golf, a game I am sure you would all be keen on if you had the ability to pot planets into black holes (don't worry we rarely use civilized planets). Good luck with the whole Thetan problem remember the trick is to council them into submission. L Ron Hubbard

True story of how L. Ron Hubbard came up with Scientology: Robin Williams and sum guy named Harlan Ellison discuss how L. Ron Hubbard came up with Scientology. I think this is so awsome. L. Ron Hubbard is in Scientology juss for the money, juss like me. We hav so much in comon. I meen, check out this gret qote by L. Ron: "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion." Spokn like a true antapenur.